5 Ways to Want More Sex With Your Husband

Before we jump into bed together, let me provide you with a little background. My name is Nikki and let’s just say, I have never shied away from the topic of sex. You know that friend in high school you’d always go to and ask if something was normal? Or even that friend in middle school who introduced you to the special toys at Spencers? Yeah that was me. I have always been completely open and honest with my friends and family about who I am, what I’ve done, and what I’ve tried. And by doing so, inadvertently allowed them to feel more comfortable sharing their truths as well.

So, when it came time to pick a topic I wanted to write about, have open conversations around, and connect with other women over, sex was a natural choice. Personally, I don’t think we talk about sex enough. Isn’t it funny that we are all more comfortable talking about the latest murder documentary on Netflix than we are our own sex lives? The very thing that we know we ALL have in common, and yet it is tabooer (apparently that’s a real word) than crime, politics, and religion combined. Strange!

I’ve never quite understood why something so natural and so innately human, could be deemed dirty, bad, wrong, shameful and secretive. Hey guys, news alert, we all have sex! And I’m here to bring it all to light and discuss together; what’s “normal”, what we have questions about, what tools, tricks, and techniques we can benefit from and ultimately how we can have better sex and feel more comfortable while doing it.

Disclaimer: Sex can be a very triggering topic for many people for many different reasons. Please know I always try my best to be sensitive and come from a place of genuine compassion.

Intimate Couple in Bed
So, welcome! I hope you find this content, at least, juicy. And at most, helpful. Now what are we waiting for… let’s talk about sex, baby!

Soooo, I’m pregnant. Like super hardcore, about to pop, she’s coming any day now, pregnant. And yet, I am still having sex almost every day. So let’s dive in here; Why am I still doing it so regularly? How am I finding the time or energy? How do I keep the passion alive while my belly is ginormous, I don’t feel my best, I have almost zero sex drive and there is a two-year-old toddler running around the house?

I’ll tell you how... It is an absolute priority.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are definitely days when I am just too tired and flat out don’t want to engage. And that’s totally fine. However, I have found that by taking a few key actionable steps, I can better control my own desire, and the outcome of my marital sex life. So why not try and stay at the top of my game for the good of my marriage?

My marriage is above all else, my number one priority. This is not an exaggeration. Everything I do, I do for the good of my marriage. I keep myself happy and feeling sexy, I read books on healthy relationships, and I keep the passion alive for my marriage. I fully understand that in order to get everything I want out of life, (a stable home for my children, a loving and caring partnership, financial stability and prosperity) I need a successful and healthy relationship with my husband. And a large part of that success depends on both of us feeling mutually connected, desired, loved and taken care of; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Disclaimer: This is not the case for everyone. Many people live very happy and fulfilled lives without ever marrying and after divorce. This is simply my own personal perspective.

Sex is important to men. There really is no way around that. And I get a lot of personal satisfaction knowing that my man wants me and I, in turn, satisfy him. This plays a large part in how I feel as a woman and a wife. I feel proud knowing that my husband feels like he hit the marital jackpot because his sex life has only improved since marrying this ol’ gal.

So, let’s break it down! Here are five steps I take to ensure we have sex on the reg;

1. Keep yourself in the mood

Remember that saying when you were raising an infant; sleep begets sleep? Well guess what, sex begets sex! Don’t ask me for the science on this one, but the more orgasms you have, the more you want. If you let yourself go too long without reaching climax, you are just asking for a dry spell.


Ladies, please take matters into your own hands, literally! Nothing gets you more primed and ready to go better than a quick self-indulgent session with… yourself. You will feel more sexual energy, more physically ready to go and more willing to send your hubby a sexy text to come and get it. Trust me on this one.

2. Find the time

One thing I know about myself is, if it’s the end of a long day and I am utterly exhausted, the LAST thing I want to do is IT! I am tired, I have my creams on, I’m nice and comfy, and I have zero energy. I don’t like turning my man down, so I will always try and muster the energy when asked, but sometimes a flat-out no is required, and that is OK! Work with them, and they will work with you.


Find the best time of day where you feel energized and ready to go. For me personally, it’s in the middle of the day during my son’s nap. I am usually dressed and feeling somewhat human at that point, we have some quiet time before the little guy wakes up, and the day hasn’t wiped me out just yet. Sometimes I will even sneak up to our room to get started without him and let him know via text, hey it’s time!

He also knows this is the best time for him to approach me for sex. I have made it very clear that if he wants what he is looking for, then pretty much anytime other than 11pm will score him some points… literally. We both currently work from home, so this is a possibility for us. If that’s not the case for you, try setting your alarm clock 15 minutes earlier in the mornings and starting your day off on the right foot!

3. Know what feels best for you

Ladies, I can’t stress this one enough. If you don’t know what you like and what you want, neither will your man. What are your erogenous zones? What feels comfortable and sexy to you? What gets you going? Answering these questions internally and then communicating them clearly with your partner is so important in regard to making sure sex is a pleasurable experience for you both.


And the answers to these questions might change over time! My husband knows that while I’m hugely pregnant, I don’t want slow and sensual sex. I need to get the deed done and move on, before I run out of steam or breath!

If you need sweet kisses to get you in the mood, let him know. If you need a more aggressive approach, tell him that! The bedroom talk should be a safe place where neither of you feel judged. If that isn’t currently the case, it is a great place to start.

4. Set him up for success

There is possibly nothing a man fears more than rejection, and sexual rejection is even higher on that list. Turn your man down too many times, and he is sure to ease up on asking. And ladies, we may not want to have sex all day every day, but we do want to know that our man wants and desires us, do we not? So, we need to work together as a team.


The more you react positively to his advances, the safer he will feel wanting you and making it known. So, let’s set him up for success on this one. Once you have figured out when you are most likely to be in the mood and what it is most likely to get your engines going, let him know! Let him know that it is important that you satisfy him and keep him feeling good, but that you also have some needs and parameters you’d like him to work within. Together you can come up with a game plan that is truly a win/win.

5. Have patience with yourself and him

When you have tried all of the above and it’s still not clicking and vibing like you would like it to, try your best not to get discouraged. There are so many more things we will delve into in the coming months that may hit closer to home. But in the meantime, be patient with yourself and with your partner. Try to come from a place of love and compassion for the both of you and remember that you are ultimately trying to work on this because you care about your relationship and your partner.

We all go through rough periods of time where we don’t feel our best, and we can’t quite get our minds right, and that is perfectly acceptable. Communicate with your partner that you aren’t feeling your best and ask for some patience and grace. Work together to find a solution and a plan that will lead you closer to where you ultimately want to be. And I guarantee, by simply having an open and honest conversation, you will feel more intimately connected than you have in perhaps quite some time.

Good luck, all. I wish you much success and satisfaction!

XOXO,
Nikki

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1 comment

Lucinda

Very well written and a great perspective!
I think low sex drive in relationships is not inevitable, but rather a symptom of other issues!

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